Friday, March 25, 2011

Don't carry the world upon your shoulders.


My baby brother
The one with cow-licked hair
The motor headed geek,
That I grew up with.

The defender of our childhood,
That disappeared with our parents bad decisions.
The strength in our bond led us out
With arms raised up, for victory was ours.

Now he raises up a gun
To defend a country
In a war I do not understand.
Over the greeny blue field
into the heat of some sand grain obis.

My baby brother,
I guess isn't so small anymore.

But I still envision him with that smile in which no one could resist
Helping match his clothes, and snuggling him to sleep.
But as I sat across from the small boy in my mind
Who told me he signed the paper
His eyes dimmed
The mirror was cleaned, and revealed a man.

And now I am scared.
I am scared I cannot defend him anymore
I am scared of who he will become
I am scared he will not come home, and walk me down the aisle as he always promised.

My friend, my rock, my baby brother.
I love you to the moon and back,
I love you forever ever and a day,
I love you a bushel and a peck.
Though I know love will not protect you
I hope you keep it in your pocket,
And pray it may be a small warmth for your cold nights alone,
On your quest to adulthood and self discovery.

And just know I will be waiting for you with yellow ribbons and open arms,
When you get home.
All my love and support Joshua.

xo sissy.

dear blog world,
I have begun the "falling apart stage" of my brother leaving, so thank you for baring with me as I get this out. Your prayers for him are greatly appreciated. We have quite a road ahead of us.
Hopefully a craft post this afternoon? Something upbeat?
xox j

Thursday, March 24, 2011

School Project.

For as much as I hate public school systems, today I really enjoyed my visit.
A few of my old students (now third graders, wahh I'm old) got to be apart of a multi class
"wax museum"
How is this possible you ask?
Well for the last month each child chose a famous person in history to study, research, and fill there little brains with as many facts as possible.
Then today at school they dressed up and stood in front of their poster board and each kid had a little circle sticker on their hand. You would walk around the cafeteria and when you saw someone you wanted to learn more about you just pushed the "button" and the kid would start telling you facts. HOW COOL IS THAT?!
I was so proud of my kids, they were all super brave.
(miss clara, who started the red cross)
(my little amelia)
And among all the presidents and queens and scientists, there was my kid..
Ashton is one of my three I nanny for and he chose John Lennon. Thats freaking right!
I found this book on the table a month ago..
I was so excited, I started talking with him about it. Every morning we have been listening to The Beatles and I LOVE when he tugs on my dress and says "Miss Jess, you wanna know why John Lennon wrote this song?" I just smile. We talked about how my dad grew up listening to them, then I grew up listening to them, and now a new generation (like him) was going listen to them.

I got a few phone calls this evening from parents telling me how much it meant to the kids that I came, I think they forget that these kids are my life, duh :)

all for tonight,
j

ps sorry for photo qual, camera died and I had to use the phone, bleh.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Mumsie Makes.

I am lucky to be surrounded by so many super talented humans, and some are even family.

Last time Greg and I went to Jersey I saw a bunch of pretty squares on the couch and was wondering what they would be turned into.
This often happens when we visit, Greg's Mum is just about the most fantastic knitter/crocheter/stitcher anything thing with yarn person I know.
She has been doing it since she was a very little girl in Finland.
It makes me happy that I can see random knit goods I like on Etsy or just in photos and I send them to her and before I know it I will have a package at my door with something really wonderful in it. (I know I am SUPER lucky)

Anyway, a few days later she presented me with a super cute (super 70s) little vest that she had made. I have been dying to wear it but I needed to find just the right things to do so. I now have two outfits it really works with. (one includes jeans, very outside my comfort zone, haha)
And the other I just thought I would share with you..
Isn't it just adorable? ekkkkk!
Thank you Mum, love you so much!

Thats all for tonight,
j

Monday, March 21, 2011

It's the little things..

OH my goshhhh.

So I know I just wrote but then a friend posted some pictures that made my heart flutter and I just had to share.
About a month ago, I knew my lovely friend Lisa was having a few sad days. Not anything bad just because sometimes when life shifts we are not always ready for it. I made her a pinwheel and brought it to church, I thought maybe it would help her smile some.
She and her love went of a walk that afternoon and brought the pinwheel along.
These pictures melted my heart.
All taken by the ever so wonderful Lisa Barker.
Oh craftings for happiness. These little things are what is helping to keep me inspired these days.

This was actually perfect because I got to enjoy tea this afternoon with Lisa. We have been meaning to for a few weeks now, but I have been in somewhat of a slump with the weather and have been spending numerous hours locked away with my sewing machine.
But of course it was just what I needed, just a someone to rejuvenate me. Such a wonderful date, I love to share brains with her.
She is WAY too sweet and even got me a birthday present!

A handmade mug with little buttons and a giraffe cookie cutter:)
I cannot wait to make my boy sugar cookies with it.

People make me happy.

Making Mondays brighter,
xoj

Sundays are for..

1. raw veggies and hummus.
2. homemade pizza.
3. laughing with friends.
4. mancala with correct rules (coughlizandtor)
5. naps.
6. potluck with some wonderful people.

I love lazy days, but most of all lazy Sunday's because for some reason I just feel like they are meant to be that way.
Mondays, on the other hand, are usually the worst because my boy leaves me again, but despite the rain today actually went pretty well. I will share some goodies from today soon.

Also I am going to be honest, I am a Rochester person, I do actually enjoy the snow. But then comes a time when I need spring. It's not a want or desire or hope it is a need. I need green grass, I need reminders that things are growing that I am growing.
Dear Spring,
I really miss my dresses (without tights).
Please come home soon.
xo, Jess

Have a good night,
j

Friday, March 18, 2011

Friday Five.

I'm sure by now everyone has been moved in someway by the horrific events going on in Japan.
You might be thinking what can I do to help?
Maybe you're thinking I'm only one person where can I start.
Well I have noticed quite a few people on Etsy this week trying to figure out the same thing. Many people have posted an item in there shop in which the proceeds go to relief for Japan.
I have sifted through to find some sellers who offer 100 percent of their proceeds to the cause. I also tried really hard to find affordable things to anyone no matter how much you have could have the chance to help.
Handmade for help..

1. Tell someone you love them with this sweet fortune cookie.

2. Always love little pins.

3. This bunny print is very very sweet.

4. Love these bracelets you could even share them with a friend.

5. This necklace is SO cute!

Japan is a place I source much of my creative inspiration from. My prayers and love our overflowing for all effected by the recent disasters.

To Japan with love,
j

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

Hello Tuesday Readers,
So my birthday is next week! I cant believe how fast this month is flying by!
I thought it would be fun to share with you my birthday wish list.
So here it is..
1. A GREEN french press because green is my favorite color, duh. :)
Also learning to french press is one of my new years goals.

2. An instax camera is something I have been craving for a few years. I have been love sick for one. I can hope, right?

3. Andrew Henry's Meadow is a children's book that was recommended to me. I sounds like a beautiful story and I would be so thrilled to add it to my collection.

4. Spring is coming (someday) and I really would love a new pair of TOMS. I live in the throughout the entire summer.

5. And lastly, the new Iron and Wine, on vinyl. This album is so great and I would love to have it for my collection.

Oh birthdays. I'm really not sure if what I am doing for my birthday yet, it is going to be rather sad because my brother deploys the following day. So I'm hoping to do something to get my mind of that for the night.

I'm off to create! Maybe I'll be back later with that DIY I mentioned:)
xo,
j

Monday, March 14, 2011

Build me up, buttercup.

So I have been transferring my tens of thousands of pictures to an external hard drive.
Because I literally maxed out my space on my little mac book.
whoops!
I came to a few pictures I completely forgot I had took but was most excited to stumble upon them.
Last year I painted these sweet little wooden dolls for my classroom.
I fell completely in love with them but really wanted a little wooden city to use with them.
So I asked my beautifully talented boyfriend to make me some wooden blocks that I could paint into little cities.
He did, they were perfect. I started painting them then just never finished, and they all ended up in a box in the basement.
Last week I pulled them out and finished them up.
Do you love them? I so do.
I am trying to decide if I should make a more perfected set for Etsy. If people would like them? I'm not sure I just think they are darling though.
Hope you had a productive Monday, I sure did:)
xoxo,
bird

new recipe: week eight.

So I live in Rochester and sadly it is still cold here.
I love warm things so I made my first ever soup.

This Week: Veggie Soup
This is the perfect "leftover soup" almost anything you have can go in.
It is soooo yummy. My brother was in town this weekend and told me I better start bringing stuff to him at base:) Made me happy for a kid I fed mac and cheese, ramen, and cereal to our entire childhood.
Not to mention it makes the house smell delicious while you cook.
I'm sure I will be making it often. yay for new foods!

Be back soon with a just for fun project update.. and maybe a quick DIY?! ek!
xoxo,
j

Friday Five.

This past week I picked up and shared a project I started ummm last spring? haha.
I ran out of paint, and since it was a "just for fun" project it got put into a box and stashed among the other half finished projects only to be rediscovered this past week.

Because I have been thinking about them and finishing them, my Friday Five is little inspirations from the same(ish) idea. I'll be back later with pictures of my project.

Oh little cities and cottages how I love you so..

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Adorable right?
More, more, more coming today. Getting close to etsy deadlines. ekkk!
Lots to do today!

xoxo,
jess

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Find molasses candy.

The last two days have helped restore my hope for life.
I understand this is very melodramatic but it is true.

I have been slightly off for awhile now. I get spurts of myself it feels sometimes for a month even then it seems to die out.

One of the hardest things I ever had to hear my boyfriend say to me was
"you lost your light"
I asked him to elaborate, he went on to tell me when he met me I was always beaming as if joy radiated from me, from my soul. He said there was a sense of a physical light around me when I smiled. Somewhere in the second half of my teaching year last year it started to fade.

Now I am going to go on to talk about something that may make some feel uncomfortable, and you may not agree with everything I have to say but that makes me happy because we are people and we are allowed to disagree.

This fade is because I suffer from depression, most of my family does. The highs are very high, but the lows can be destructively low. I also choose not to medicate, which is a very personal choice (I am not against medication and think it is very needed sometimes), this is sometimes hard because it is very easy to fall and sometimes impossible feeling to climb back out. I try to surround myself with the things that bring my simple joy.

green grass. warm drinks. mini things.
But most of all kids.
How could I forget? But I did. I began to feel pretty mediocore at everything I do, not understanding my point or purpose. And with the failure of my "plan" that I had previously talked about, I wondered why not just give up?

Then I saw them.

Because of some staff sickness they needed me to fill in at the school and I gladly accepted. I really had no idea what those two days were going to do for my heart.
By the end of the two days my boss was thanking me for making it such a wonderful time for them and I was thanking her for everything they did for me.

We laughed most the day. Lots of hugs, lots of dancing, lots of love.

This snow bank became our pirate ship..
Some walked the plank..
Some collected jewels..
And some were so tired from the fun, I just found them resting.

I built them a blanket fort to eat lunch in.
And we had great talks that sounded like this..
kids: are you a mom?
me: no, I dont have any kids, I am not married yet.
kids: your not? how? you're big!
Evelyn: But if you're not married where do you live?
me: well I still live at home with my family.
Andrew: who are you going to marry?
(I just smiled)
Nathan: Um, probably Greg.
me: yes, probably Greg.
Levi: well if miss jessie doesnt marry Greg, she will probably marry me.
me: that sounds perfect.

day. made.
I'm not sure if my happiness will be found in teaching again, or if my happiness will just be found in the simplicity of motherhood someday. But this I do know,
kids are a huge part of the very essence of me. I truly believe that are the glue that helps hold my being together.

I hope you are figuring out what fills you with joy and clinging to it.

To finding out who we really are,
jess