Monday, April 15, 2013

Finding your feet again.

So here we are again. Weeks which turn into months between updates and I am left feeling a little defeated. I have received many sweet messages, notes, and pushes of love about when I will be blogging again. I would simply respond "soon" until I started being honest.
The real truth is I feel a little lost.
I went from planning a magical DIY filled wedding to a complete season of newness and change.
Which has in turn left me feeling uninspired and, bluntly, like I do not have anything left to contribute to the creative world. As melodramatic as that may seem, in the past I could not go a day without sewing or even a day without journaling about something I wanted to make. Now I rarely sit at my machine and my empty notebook pages are crying.
I feel completely overtaken by life, the grown up-ness of it all. I feel unsure which direction I want to go in this new phase or what I have really accomplished thus far. It makes my heart heavy not to be sharing with you because my life with Greg is the beautiful part. All the fun and laughter that goes into our days together I so want you to see but internally I am so, well, blah that I have no energy to even share the happy parts with you.
I am thankful for friends who get me in this adjustment period. For long distance loves like Beth, who encourage me on, who help me brainstorm, and reinvent my ideas.
Thankful for people like Hayden. Who treat my tattoo touch ups like therapy sessions and helps me know I am not alone in this season. That makers and creators of all sorts have hit this place and made it out okay. And for my love Greg, who would literally do anything to make me feel myself. Who I am sure would reach into the sky and bottle a piece of the sun if I needed him to.
well, seeing that I cannot seem to figure out where I am going from here the only thing I can think of is to dig down to the roots of what may have changed and replant.

Project One.
Take more pictures.
If you know me you may think this is impossible. Since I was a little girl I never left home without a camera and in my adulthood I have rarely left the house without two or three different kinds of cameras.
But in the age of the iphone I have to admit I take WAY less pictures with my actual cameras (meaning none). It's just so convenient! My iphone is far less weight to cart around in my little handbag, and I have built in editing that I can do on the go!
Except when I look back at the previous months it infuriates me that I am scanning through my phone instead of looking at my computer screen. I feel like I have no real photos of our memories lately.
So I am challenging myself to take at least five photos a week.
Here are some I took in the last two:

1. drinking out of straws is the only way to go.
2. a belated birthday celebration.
3. babysitting a new friend.
4. a sea of painted dinos.
5. my little peach.
6. family time.
7. coffee catch up with a dear friend.

Hopefully this is a step in the right direction. I love this space, I have been growing here four years now and I would hate to lose touch completely. Maybe some newness is all we need.

"This is what it's like
Finding your feet again
The part of you that couldn't 
Finally thinks you can"

xoxo jess

1 comment:

  1. I don't know about other people, but I feel like you do right now, off and on. That is when I find something new to focus on and develop a small goal, just like you did. It's hard to make yourself do something, if you feel blah, and your heart just isn't in it. But you can do it Jess. One day at a time, you will start to feel more creative, you will have that new idea that you just can't wait to create, then that "old" Jess will be right back here, it's okay to take a break once and while. Maybe the feeling that you "have" to do something is what is causing this feeling, sometimes I don't like to feel like I have to do anything. Being an adult is hard enough, and having to pay bills, and be responsible for others, maybe it's just your time to be a rebel. You don't have to do anything, you won't lose anyone if you just take a minute. Enjoy it, and that fun creativeness will come back, ten fold.