"The outdoors is really big"

I feel like I am making big wedding strides this week! This of course is due to friends who certainly aren't scared to push me or hold me accountable to my goals.

Yesterday was probably the best/worst wedding day ever. I went to try on a few more dresses and had the absolute worst experience. And with me almost in tears and blotchy from anxiety my girlfriends said its time to go.

We went to Liz's parents house which is probably one of my favorite places to rest and recollect myself.

We walked in to cups and saucers all set up, and little feet scurrying around the kitchen to get things all ready for us. Tea and coffee were being made, and mama greeted us with big (much needed) hugs.

I seriously need this creamer. It is so sweet.

When I saw everything all set up, the sun beaming in from their sliding glass doors, and the kids looking ridiculously cute (as usual) I was SO angry I did not have my camera.

On the good side of the day, yesterday was the first day I ever sat down with anyone and talked about my weddding outloud. Crazy right? I have been engaged four months now and this was just long overdue. We made lost of lists. We talked about what can get done now. We talked about who is doing what. And lastly, I got some wisdom and hard love from Mama Babiuk.

She always has good things to say.

Liz's little sister Laura painted this picture. It was hanging on the refrigerator and I could have melted when I saw it. I felt myself smile and breathe. This picture alone is the absolute reason I love kids so much more than big people, they just get it.

Here's to feeling more confident,

xo j

I never said I was brave.

I did it.

Today I went to try on a real wedding dress.

Now I understand for most girls this is the most exciting part, this is the first thing they want to do once that ring is on their finger. But not me.

I have planned lots of parties, showers and weddings for people. It is something I love to do, using creativity to make a magical occasion for someone, I thrive on that. And thats how I have been feeling, like I am planning a big party, for someone else. I been dreading the moment I have to put on the perfect white piece of fabric because in that moment it will be real, I. will. be. a. bride.

If you have caught any undertones in my blogging or know me personally you may know my wedding planning has been going pretty terribly. (hence no.2 on my new years list) Having an eclectic handmade wedding with not much support isn't very easy. SO the very last thing I have wanted to try on this creamy white blob to remind me how hard it has been.

But in a split second of weakness this morning I looked at my maid of honor and said what if I tried on a dress today? Her eyes lit up so fast, and immediately went to the phone. We called 3 or 4 places I wanted to go which all had no appointments, so I gave up. She was determined and said we should just go to Davids Bridal just to try and figure out which shape I like if nothing else. For some reason I agreed and off we went.

It was a productive day and if it counts for anything I conquered a fear (or came to a realization, I'm not quite sure which) I, Jessica am getting married this year and I better get used to it.

sweet dreams from the bride,

j

I took off my shoes and walked into the woods.

Well we're home from our adventure!

The time change is killing us but we so loved our trip and time with my family.

My brain isn't quite ready to process blogging but I have a sweet little treat for you this morning.

A friend, Mary Frances, made this super adorable video of her walking through all the places she visited in 2011. I thought is was too wonderful not to share, it automatically makes me want to jump back on a plane and keep traveling.

walk across // 2011 from Mary Frances on Vimeo.

Love it! Mary is a photographer in California and does beautifulll work. Please check out her blog, floatawaystudios, you will not be disappointed.

Today I am going to be settling back into my life and making so many lists for everything I need to get done.

xo j

Let's make believe we are wealthy for just this once.

I have spent a long time deciding what my resolutions would be this year. Things to focus on, ways to grow, things for enjoyment. This is going to be a huge year for me, and I want to appreciate it and learn from it. Yay, 2012!

1. Learn to play the guitar, for real- I say for real because I can play some chords, or little songs, but I have never taken formal lessons. Went I used to take cello lessons, I just remember it was so calming. I would have to completely turn off my brain for that hour, and really stretch myself to learn something. To be bad at something and watch myself grow. I miss that feeling.

2. Actually enjoy planning this wedding- I have had nothing but set backs since we started wedding planning, and I have wanted nothing more than to give up. So I am going into this new year with a re-opened mind and ready to try and stay positive and enjoy these coming months.

3. Teach Greg to sew- My love has been asking me to teach him to sew for over a year now. He wants to make silly things for himself but also wants to help me so we can really be a team. Before shows and batch orders he feels so helpless that he cannot do anything so we're hoping to change that, and there's really no excuse seeing I have three machines.

4. Save a little each month/Learn to budget- I have budgeted in my own way for years now and I have usually gotten by fine. But we are getting married this year, we have a lot more expenses to think about, lots more responsibilities and I want to be smart. Also, I am sure there will be the times we are scrapping but I want to commit to putting something away, even if it is only 5 dollars. This way (hopefully) all our big dreams will eventually come true.

5. Enjoy the little moments- This is for sure going to be a year of change. I want to enjoy every little piece of this year. I want to take nothing for granted, hold tight to every beautiful thing we do or see this year.

6. Blog DIY wedding edition- I really want to do this! I want to help any other DIY brides out there by sharing some of my secrets or helping make their day a little easier. I cannot wait to get this started, my journal is overflowing with ideas.

7. Etsy!- my Etsy needs to get back up and running. I have been saying this forever now, but really someone hold me accountable to it.

8. Remind people I love them often- I will be honest, I am surrounded my the most supportive, amazing group of humans. I consider myself terribly lucky, yet I feel that I do not always let them know how truly wonderful they are. I plan to do that this year.

9. Minimize stuff- I'm working on prepping to move into a new life. Which means everything I have owned or collected in the last twenty-three years needs to be sorted and ready to be combined with another persons life stuff. It should be interesting for sure!

10. Don't drive Greg crazy- You may laugh, but seriously. With wedding planning, business building, and getting ready for a future life. It is easiest to take stress, concern, panic, or any other range of emotion out on the one I love most. He is my best friend, and I want to enjoy this year together, instead of driving him nuts.

So there you have it. Please feel free to remind me of this list in mid-july if I seem to be losing sight of anything. :)

What are you working on this year? I highly suggest writing down any goals you may have, something about seeing it in print makes you feel more committed to it.

xo j

I'm going to write another traveling song.

Hi! I have missed you so!

With the holiday season over I am more than ready to get back my normal blogging routine.

We are currently in Las Vegas, visiting my Dad, Step-Mom, and Brothers. My Mom and Dad surprised us with tickets for our christmas gift and we could not be more thankful. We are loving our first adventure together and taking in every moment.

Greg and my Dad went off hiking this morning and I stayed back to have a little me time. Yoga, tea, and finishing up my new years resolutions. I have loved reading all my resolutions from last year and seeing how many I accomplished or which ones fell to the wayside. I am excited for what this year will bring and my resolutions help keep me motivated and striving. Last year I shared them on the 5th, so I gave myself until that deadline again. (hehe)

Cannot wait to share them with you tomorrow, it's good to be back!

xoxo j